To the right of each OkCupid member's name, you will find a balloon icon:
- If the icon is blue, IM is enabled and you can send them an IM by clicking on the balloon.
- If the icon is gray with a line through it, the user has IMs blocked and can only be reached by OkCupid inbox messaging.
There are also circumstances in which an OkCupid user may have used their IM settings to prevent you from contacting them via IM. These factors include:
- a lower than desired match percentage
- lack of photos on your OkCupid profile
- greater proximity from the user than desired
- age of your profile/account
- failure to meet desired number of match questions
- an age greater or less than desired
- users who do not fit desired sexual orientation
- users who are attached/in a relationship
- users who are looking for casual sex
There is no way to tell whether the inability to contact a member is due to a blanket IM setting, such as disabling messaging altogether, or whether you do not meet a user's preferred traits. If you cannot send an IM to a OkCupid user, the best advice is to message their inbox and see where the conversation goes.
Need More Help with OkCupid IM? See below for more tutorials.


